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Revolutionise Your Relationships!

What's Your Most Important Relationship?

Your most important relationship is not with your partner, your children, your parents or family. Your most important relationship is with yourself.

Every relationship you have is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.

How is your relationship with yourself?

Do you esteem yourself?

Do you like who you are?

Self esteem is how much value you place on yourself - how comfortable you are in your own skin.
Self-esteem is present when you like yourself - you are happy being you.
How do you like yourself?
You accept yourself. As you are now.
You accept yourself and your faults, your weaknesses and the things you can't do or are not good at.
This is easy when you realise the strengths you possess the abilities you have and all the things you can do and have already done.
We are usually pretty good at running ourselves down but not quite so good at talking ourselves back up!
Your Coach will help you discover your inner strengths, talents and abilities and help you to build on these to create a healthy self-image, a satisfying life and a positive relationship with yourself.
If your self-esteem could do with a bit of a boost, take a look at our Building Self-esteem tool.
Do you feel like a whole person?
We know that two halves make a whole, and we know that another person cannot fill us up when there are spaces inside ourselves that we need to fill first.
We need to be whole people in order to bring that wholeness into relationship.
Because two sick people can't make a healthy relationship!
But how do we become whole?
How do we complete ourselves in order to have something to bring into relationship?
The first step is to gain some awareness of the relationship you have with yourself.
We do this by beginning a dialogue with ourselves.
From this dialogue arises a conversation.
When you start a conversation with yourself you are on your way to becoming an integrated and whole person who is ready to love and be loved.
Are you aware of your own needs?
Do you know what you really want?
If we understand that our most important relationship is with ourselves, and that communication is the basis of all relationships, we should ask the question:
How do I have a conversation with myself?
Firstly we understand that a conversation has two parties.
Communication where only one person is talking is not a conversation - it is a speech.
So, the first step is to learn how to listen to yourself and take some time to listen and get the conversation started.
We are very used to listening to the unspoken sentences that we tell ourselves in our head - our thoughts.
But do you remember how to listen to your heart?
In your heart lie your feelings and desires, beyond the rational "you should …" and "you shouldn't …" self-talk that inhabits our thoughts.
Getting in touch with our real desires - what we really want - rather than what we feel we "should," or must do, is a profound revelation for many clients.
We have a great and simple tool to help get a heart conversation started, it is called the Heart Language tool.
John F Kennedy famously said; "Ask not, what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
This quote could easily be applied to relationships; "Ask not, what you can I get from my relationships, ask, what can I give?"
This is the secret to successful and satisfying relationships.
When, after becoming aware of our own needs we are also thinking of what we can bring to a relationship, we are at our highest, happiest and best.
However, this doesn't mean that we will remain in a relationship where we are doing all the giving.
Successful relationships are about giving and receiving.
And this balance, means that we will attract and enjoy, healthy, nurturing and satisfying relationships with the people in our lives.
If you feel its time for you to do some giving and receiving, you may be interested to discover how men and women ranked the Top 10 Loving Acts.
Here is a tool with the survey results of the Top 10 Loving Acts.
Relationships are about nurturing ourselves and becoming comfortable with ourselves, so we have the confidence to share "us" with others.
How do we go about discovering this sacred-space within us?
How do you discover the special parts of others? - by spending quality time with them.
So how would you go about discovering the special parts of yourselves?
By spending quality time with yourself!
As we discover our inner selves, we experience the joy and wonder of sharing ourselves with others.
When you find your sacred-spaces, you will find your relationships are enhanced and deepened, and, if you seek a new relationship, you will find that the self-confidence, poise and positivity you exude will attract the relationship you desire.
At Paradigms Life Coaching Ltd we have many great relationship coaching tools that show you how to deepen the quality of your relationships and enjoy greater happiness, joy and fulfilment in your life.
If you are interested in developing and deepening an inner dialogue, you can take a look at our Creating Self Space tool.
Communication is the basis of all relationships.
It is not necessarily verbal, in fact most communication is non-verbal, but to convey complex concepts and to receive messages like the words "I love you" verbal communication is a very important skill.
Because we al see things differently, it has been said that 50-90% of the disagreements in relationships will not be "resolved."
But even though a problem cannot be resolved "your way", if you really feel like you have been heard - even if you haven't been agreed with - then half the problem disappears!
This is because much of the distress that surrounds any dispute is our need to feel validated, respected and listened to.
So how do we ensure we are listened to?
There are two things we need to understand about verbal communication.
Firstly that it takes practice, it is a skill that needs to be developed - we are not born with exceptional communication skills.
Secondly, that it is inherently inaccurate and prone to errors - everyone has experienced someone else getting "the wrong end of the stick" and totally misinterpreting what they had to say.
Fortunately, we can develop our communication skills and enhance the quality and joy in all of our relationships.
Your Coach may introduce a tool such as Reflective Listening to enhance the quality of your communication.
Then they may suggest an activity you can do with your partner such as the How Well Do You Know Your Partner Quiz?, which helps you discover what your partner most appreciates in you.
· Would you like to make your current relationship more satisfying?
· Could your relationship do with a check-up?
· Are you presently seeking a fulfilling relationship?
· Are you wondering how to attract a wonderful relationship?
· Would you like to discover how to enhance all of your relationships?
· Are you attracting the relationships you desire?
· Have you experienced a disappointing series of relationships?
· Are the relationships in your life healthy, nurturing and empowering?
· Would you like to move toward a wonderful new relationship with yourself and others?
If you would like to develop and deepen your relationships, contact us for a free, no obligation chat.

Relationship Tools

Would you like to begin to develop your most important relationship?
It is with You! The Self-Esteem Tool is a great start.
After you have realised what you are great at and all the wonderful things about you, you may wish to start a conversation with your heart - check out our Heart Language Tool and begin to live from your heart rather than your head.
Our Creating Self Space tool will start your day in the best way and often leads to dramatic life change all by itself!
Many people that are in a relationship have heard of Reflective Listening, but how many have ever practised it? It can be very revealing!
Once you and your partner have begun to communicate better and to listen and hear one another the How Well Do You Know Your Partner Quiz? is a great way to discover what you value about each other and what you appreciate about your relationship.
You may be interested to discover how men and women ranked the Top 10 Loving Acts. If you haven't done something loving in a while perhaps this may offer some ideas!
this tool will help increase your self-esteem as you remember all your great qualities and the things you are excellent at!
· on a blank sheet of paper list at least 20 things that make you special
· list at least 20 things that you are good at or can do well (even if its cleaning your teeth!)
· list your 10 most unique qualities or unique things about you
· write down at least one particularly attractive physical feature (even if its a cute pinkie toe or particularly shapely ear lobe!)
Do you feel stressed and harassed during the day, like you're always doing things to please others rather than yourself?
Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, our employer for instance, ahead of ourselves.
But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others that we lose touch with ourselves.
What we need to do is to re-open the conversation with our heart - to remember how to listen to our heart and not our head.
When you're feeling stressed or that you feel you have lost yourself and your centre, just ask yourself two questions:
1. What am I feeling now?
&
2. What do I really want to do?
Try to listen to your heart - your first thought - not your rationalising head.
If the message from your heart is possible and practical - then do it - take a break, call a friend, pop out for a coffee.
If it is not possible, then just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through.
Be careful - this habit is life-changing!
This tool is simple but can lead to profound life change.
It will help you start your day in the best possible way and nurtures the beginning of self-awareness.
It helps you begin the day relaxed, and to get to know who you are ...
Simply begin the day with 5 mins of non-active solitude - such as having a quiet cuppa by yourself.
The two most important things are:
1. You are by yourself
2. You are not doing anything which actively engages your mind
Try it for a week and see what happens!
Verbal communication is inherently inaccurate and is a skill we have to learn and develop and this tool is designed to enhance and facilitate communication.
All you need to do is ...
· create some quiet space together with your partner and ask them to observe something about your relationship
· listen to them without interruption or judgement
· when they have finished, reflect back to them what you heard them say
· ask them if you heard them correctly
· repeat the process with them listening and reflecting you
Excellent communication is a very important life skill, because by hearing the other persons point of view and in turn being heard yourself, means that at least 50% of any problem is automatically resolved because both sides feel heard and validated.
Print two copies of this questionnaire.
Get together with your partner
Take one copy each and separately write down the answers you think your partner would give to the following questions.
When you have finished, swap your lists, score each other and laugh!
  • Their favourite movie, or genre
  • favourite band or singer, or type of music
  • favourite actor, actress
  • favourite season
  • favourite TV show
  • favourite day of the week
  • their hero
  • favourite time of day
  • favourite activity
  • the quality they admire most in others
  • favourite activity when clothed
  • best memory together
  • who they are closest to in their family
  • their best friend
  • the personal quality they most appreciate in a partner
  • favourite colour
  • their worst habit
  • their best habit
  • kindest thing you have done for them
  • most difficult thing you have done
  • the hardest issue for them to deal with
  • the one word best describes them
  • if they were a car what car would they be? what colour? what condition? where would you buy it?
  • what they feel are your 3 best qualities
  • the thing they would most like you to do, what they most want from you
  • the way they would like you to communicate love
  • what is their loving style - do they usually demonstrate their love by:
  • kind words,
  • loving actions,
  • thoughtfulness when apart,
  • giving gifts,
  • showing friendship
  • why you think they love you.
Now swap lists, score them and laugh!
Psychology Today® magazine surveyed men and women asking them what their favourite 10 expressions of love were.
You can use this to your advantage, if you are a man and you haven't given flowers in a while you can see they were ranked at number 2 by women.
Otherwise you could just work your way down the list and score lots of points.
If you're a women you may be surprised to know that men rated "holding hands" at number 7 whilst it did not even make the top 10 for women.
You could hold his hand or if you really want to make his day do number 7 then number 8!

Men
1. walking together
2. kissing
3. candle-lit dinners
4. cuddling
5. hugging
6. flowers
7. holding hands
8. making love
9. love letters
10. sitting by the fireplace
Women
1. walking together
2. flowers
3. kissing
4. candle-lit dinners
5. cuddling
6. saying "I love you"
7. love letters
8. slow dancing
9. hugging
10. giving surprise gifts


If you would like to develop and deepen your relationships, contact us for a free, no obligation chat.

You can also read customer Testimonials here.

About Us


Harley M Storey
M.I.C.F, A.C.E (NZSC)
Life & Career Coach
Call For A Free Consultation!
09-625 9463